The IDA have announced that the former Braun factory site in Carlow is to become the new European location for the Church of Scientology (Carlow Branch).
IDA spokesperson Bill Hackett said “To be honest we couldn’t be bothered with all that shite about getting other investors to come and have a look at it. Those Scientology lads Tom Cruise and John Travolta and few other suits were keen as mustard when we showed it to them recently and when they asked about planning permission we informed them that it shouldn’t be a problem ..ahem”.
According to local sources the church was also given the green light by An Bord Pleanál (in spite of their recent rejection of plans for a mosque and Islamic centre in Kilkenny) and will include four helicopter pads and extensive underground tunnels on the site. The O’Brien Road is also to be renamed L Ron Hubbard Boulevard later this year.
Our homeless reporter Joe spotted Head of Planning with Carlow County Council Mary Flemington browsing through the Mercedes cars at a local car dealership while carrying a large briefcase bulging with $100 bills. She had no comment, but her hair was immaculate.